So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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