Need sex. Gaining weight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize