I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize