I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
