Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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