My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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