R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Say something about gay babies.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
