She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
