Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
