Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize