did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
