If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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