we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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