he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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