I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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