I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
