Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You pole danced in your parka.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize