I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
