I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
