smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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