The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
