A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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