The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
