just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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