They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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