I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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