i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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