ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
