Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
