I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My dick has a subreddit
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
