She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize