But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
