Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
