getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
