I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just pee around me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
