I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just gift wrapped bread.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
