Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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