Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize