I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
