I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
