This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
