so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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