I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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