can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
