So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
