we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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