I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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