When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
