Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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