Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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