she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
