It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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