so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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