Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
