This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
