and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize