She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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