she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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