No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
