i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
