you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
