I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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