Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
