I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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