Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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