Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize