"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
