I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
