she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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