he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
