I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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