I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
