Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
